Outside Looking In

You unblocked me for four months.  Those four months were a breeze in my shoulders, Like I had suddenly retired to rest after holding years worth of weight. I was no longer stifled with the incessant urge to check your timeline, a rinse-repeat I used to do with a conscientiousness one would only attribute to an intense routine. Instead, I check it once in every blue moon, at times where you escape the backburner of my mind and I inevitably remember you. Before anything else, we were lovers. Lovers in the loosest form of the word in the sense that we were both teenagers fueled by our preconceptions and flimsy understanding about being loved and what it meant to love in return. Induced by the high of the moment, incapacitated by the lows. It was a misguided attempt at romance, and I swear, whole body and bones, that I was more of a romantic before anything else.  You showed me what love was like and I was eternally grateful because I had not known anything else. Because of you, ...

"And I was so young when I behaved 25, yet now I find I've grown into a tall child." It is sublime line sang in an artistic and agitating musical composition by the Asian-American artist Mitski in her song First Love, Late Spring—a song permanently etched in my mind and a sentiment that consumes every fiber of my being. As a 12-year old child, it was typical for me to hear the phrases "Old soul" or "beyond your years" or "mature for my age" ascribed to me, often in direct comparison to my more outgoing and excitable peers. In hindsight, there was an subliminal message that existed within these laced compliments, an undercurrent that highlighted a form of peculiarity that existed within my subconscious. Still, it was comfortable to exist within that pedestal, and they were titles that I wore like golden stars, in  typical kindergarten fashion.  However as I grew to age, I found that this pedestal had started to crumble under my weight. Years ...

Random Musings I The other day, sis, mom and I went by a resort for a party. The resort had a seashore that overlooked the border between a neighboring province. It was around 7pm that night and my sister slept by the bench while I explored the beach line, gathering some seashells for keepsakes. We were shrouded with the cool,crisp air of the night as the waves peeved closer to the surface, emitting a soft, comforting sound that could easily hum one's worries away. I could see my reflection in the pristine, clear waters, with that I came to admire my recent haircut. The feeling of my feet pressed beneath the sand and having to wear dampened shoes is a little reminder to enjoy, sweet, short-lived moments of tranquility like this.

Dedicated to my  favorite pervert, you know who you are ;)  // Sweat would slither down her neck as she'd dawdle around the halls, in an attempt to cease her boredom from a rather lackluster of a festivity. There were students of every age and grade squatted around the area, some competing, some playing sports, some chatting around with their friends and some succumbing to the comforts of their phones. Nevertheless, she was thankful for this opportunity to finally take a break from the hustle bustle of exams, projects and deadlines. She would very much stay around and do nothing rather than cry about her failed science test. She'd prefer watching over her more athletic friend's things or sit at the bleachers and daze off rather than handle an excruciating amount of work after school. She just wanted her peace, unshaken, raw and served at her very leisure. Although rather unintentional, she felt her peace being stirred up once again after a guy and his friend walked up...

Silence rang through her ears like sirens, as if though it were to choke her. She'd glance by the window pane, noticing rays of sunlight slithering from every corner. She'd sneak a quick glance to the person beside her, another to the person behind her, and lastly the one in front of her. She wasn't so thrilled with the arrangement, sitting within an aisle of strangers, most of which were older and taller than her. Fortunately, there were familiar faces, most of which her friends, if not, a teacher. She'd huddle with them to discuss their answers until the latter signifies the students to go back to their seats to start their reassessment.  The 1st part was rather easy, she'd write her name and fill in the necessary information needed in the blanks, the preceding parts, however, were fickle. Her eyes would wander through the selections, the lines situated before, in or after each number, all of which were unfilled. She'd gulp hard, an unsettling feeling was...